The truth is that both parties have a share in the truth. There is probably too much emphasis on self-esteem today and self-esteem development is crucial. However middle ground can be found between the two groups. The emphasis shouldn’t be on building self-esteem but rather helping children learn and grow so they naturally develop a feeling of worth and value.

Self-esteem is a major key to success in life. The development of a positive self-concept or healthy self-esteem is extremely important to the happiness and success of children.

Self-esteem is how we feel about ourselves, and our behavior clearly reflects those feelings. If you child has high self-esteem she is likely to act independently, assume responsibility, take pride in her accomplishments, tolerate frustration, attempt new tasks and challenges, handle positive and negative emotions, and offer assistance to others. If your child has low self-esteem he will avoid trying new things, feel unloved and unwanted, blame others for his own shortcomings, feel (or pretend to feel) emotionally indifferent, be unable to tolerate a normal level of frustration, put down his own talents and abilities, and be easily influenced.

Parents have the most influence on their child’s self-esteem. Most parents do not realize how great an impact their words and actions have on their child.

Be Quick With Praise - When you feel good about your child, mention it to him. Parents are often quick to express negative feelings to children but often don’t get around to describing positive feelings. A child doesn’t know when you are feeling good about him unless you tell him. He needs to hear you tell him that you like having him in the family. Children remember positive statements we say to them. They store them up and “replay” these statements to themselves. Make a point of giving your child words of encouragement throughout each day. Look for situations in which your child is doing a good job, working hard, trying a new challenge, overcoming a difficulty or displaying a talent.

Be generous with your praise – Use what is called descriptive praise rather than the general, such as “good job”. For example, during a recent swimming lesson my son was expected to swim the length of the pool. He was frightened and didn’t think he could make it. When he successfully accomplished the goal I told him I was proud of him for two things. One for trying even though he was afraid he’d fail and two for pushing himself to reach his goal.

Teach your child to practice making positive self-statements. Psychologists have found that negative self-talk is frequently the root cause of depression and anxiety. What we think determines how we feel about ourselves and those feelings determine how we behave. This is the reason it is important to teach children talk to themselves in a positive manner. You can start them off by asking directed questions.

Avoid Name Calling – While it is often important for parents to be critical, the focus should be on the action you would like to see rather than the child. Rather than calling a child a slob for keeping a messy room focus on the desired action, which is to sort clothes and toys into their proper places. Encourage the child by saying something like “I know you can get this place ship shape by dinner” and reward them with specific praise “You did a great job cleaning up your room”.

Always Speak Of Your Child As If They Were Listening - Many parents do a wonderful job of building up their child’s self esteem while spending time with the child. Then later they undo all their good work and let the child overhear some negative comments. It is difficult to explain away or undo this damage as you may well not even know when it occurs. Obviously parents need to communicate with each other about their children and adults often need to vent their frustrations. Just make sure when you do so that your child is not able to overhear. Even a child who is apparently concentrating on play will perk his ears when he hears his name.

If you follow these methods then your child’s self esteem will grow.

Malcolm Bale – Martial Arts for Kids in Rugby

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Our Martial Arts program for kids in Rugby is a fantastic introduction to Martial Arts, giving children the best possible start. To kids, Martial Arts has to be fun in order to learn the skills which can be so important in life. The program involves Safety Awareness, Personal Values, Fun Fitness and Martial Arts Techniques. We have 2 major tasks every week – Firstly to ensure the kids have enough fun to want to return the following week and secondly to provide enough value for the parents to want to bring them back the following week. If we keep doing this then kids just keep coming back )

Have Fun – Train Smart – Train Hard – Fightwize

Sensei Malcolm Bale – Martial Arts for Kids in Rugby

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The thing is, a short-term self-defence class may not address all of the areas you need to be able to fully defend yourself.  While martial arts classes won’t specifically train you for combat and fighting, they will give you the ability to defend yourself if you ever find yourself in a situation where you need to practice self-defence.  The best part is that this self-defence isn’t always physical.  What most people don’t know is that in a good martial arts class you’ll learn a variety of skills to help you gain the awareness, peace and physical conditioning you need to be a stronger person, in all aspects of your life.

Confidence.  All the physical defence skills in the world won’t help if you don’t have the confidence needed to use them.  That’s the beauty of martial arts training.  In order to successfully train a martial art, you need to have your mind and body in tune with one another.  This self-awareness gives you the confidence your need to control and defend yourself if needed.  You’ll be able to handle everyday and extraordinary situations without losing your temper.  You’ll be able to stand your ground.  You’ll appear to be (and will be) more confident ñ and people who appear to be confident are less likely to be the victims of violence because they don’t look like easy targets.

Focus and Awareness.  While training martial arts, you need to focus and concentrate on what you are doing so that you don’t injure yourself or those around you.  This focus and concentration carries over into other aspects of your life as well.  Soon, you’ll find yourself better able to concentrate on work, school and home.  You’ll even find yourself being more aware of your surroundings which can help you avoid potentially harmful or violent situations.

Peace.  Training martial arts will also give you an inner peace that can change your life.  First of all, to effectively train martial arts, your workout will always be changing. You’ll never get bored with your workout because it will always be challenging to your abilities (both physical and mental).  In addition to that, training martial arts is a great stress reducer.  You probably already know that regular physical exercise can reduce physical stress, but what you don’t know is that martial arts go one step further to reduce emotional stress as well.  Activities such as martial arts that require you concentrate on your movements and your core strength can give you full stress relief in one activity.

Strength and Conditioning.  When you train martial arts, you use your entire body.  You cannot use just one muscle set at a time.  The exercises are always changing and evolving to give you the maximum out of each training session.  Martial arts also increase your flexibility which is great because people who are flexible suffer fewer injuries, have better posture and are better able to relax their muscles.

If you are interested in learning more about how martial arts can help your self confidence, please contact our location in Rugby at 07954 718823 or admin@ju-jitsu-rugby.com to set up a free 2 week trail orientation.

Sensei Malcolm Bale – Ju Jitsu Rugby

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ITS DANGEROUS OUT THERE
Its dangerous out there and especially for you..
The enemy may be next door and you dont know it but you got to have the guts too look. What can you really do once you see some violence or get scared or worse because you receive a bashing or king hit – do you hide in your house?
You know that given a situation to be a hero and stop a crime, terrorism or violence you’ll be able to step up or chase after them etc – or maybe you’ll cower or be the victim.
The danger today is maybe not too obvious to you but you better hone your sensors or youll get hit without seeing it coming.

PHYSICAL COMPETENCE
Have you ever seen raw attack or someone getting ‘owned’? Just search google for “martial street fights” – “martial owned” Watch those movies and cringe!!

Kung Fu, Boxing, dancing, balley, incompetance? What will you offer to your attacker?

I can judge I am probably half the strength and endurance form 10 years ago, how about you?
Can you throw a punch or even stand steady on one leg? can you do a round-house or even give a kick to the knee? Ever heard of a combination?

MARTIAL TRAINING TO LIVE

Training is hard..really hard. The most hard is to get started and its down-hill easy from there. What you need is a martial arts machine – something new and exciting to get you off your fat ass.
Search for it – martial arts machine – http://www.google.com/search?q=martial+arts+machine
Whats important now is to do something, start with brief excercise, get into stretching, shadow box, then step up and train hard.
GO to the local phone book and look up kung fu or karate. Then give them a call, go along or take your kid.

CONCLUSION IS ACTION
Life is not scarey but maybe your lack of skill, self confidence and personal competance is making you petrified.
Be pro-active and look, then choose and participate in action whether alone with a martial arts training machine or go to a dojo.
If you are not liking what you see in the mirror, afraid to go down a dark street, scared of a potential confrontation then train now.

Train Hard – Train Smart – Fightwize

Sensei Malcolm Bale  - Ju Jitsu Rugby

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HOW DO YOU DO IT?
One of the techniques used to create this balance is using breathing and meditation techniques to help you connect and control your mind and body.  There are different types of meditation: sitting, standing, kneeling and moving.  Find the position that works best for you.  Here’s how to start.
1. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.
2. Breathe deeply.  To make sure you’re breathing deeply enough, put your hand on your stomach.  If your stomach isn’t pushing out as you breath in, you’re not breathing deeply enough. Try to pull the air all the way to your navel before you let it out.
3. When you breathe out, keep your tongue on the roof of your mouth.  This keeps helps minimise your saliva and swallowing.
In the Chinese way of thinking, breathing like this is completing a path:  The mouth is a gate and the tongue on the roof of the mouth allows your vital energy called Qi or Chi (both pronounced chee) to circulate throughout your body.  Chi is what helps your mind and body connect.
After you’ve gotten the physical aspects of breathing down, you can start counting your breaths ñ this is a form of meditation that many experts teach during stress management courses.  Start short and work your way up. 1. Begin with a count of 4 as you breathe in and a count of 6 as you breathe out.
2. As you go along, extend the in and out until you can get a count of 6 as you breathe in and up to 24-30 as you breathe out.  Just remember that you want a short, deep breath in and a slow, long breath out.

WHY DOES IT WORK?
This mind and body connection through breathing works because stress is a mental state that manifests itself as a physical symptom in your body.  This physical symptom then acts as a trigger to tell you to do something about it.  As you become more aware of your body, you’ll be able to notice the trigger before it becomes something unbearable such as a severe neck problem or a migraine headache.  Once you notice your trigger, you can stop and do something about it such as practicing a breathing technique.  For example, I used to get stress-induced migraines that would leave me out of commission for a whole day.  Now, I’ve come to realise that it actually starts in my lower back as a small thing.  If I let it go, it works its way up to my head.  Now, when I noticed this trigger in my back, I stop and do my breathing.  It allows the issue to surface so I can deal with it and I don’t have to deal with a migraine.

We all have those moments from time to time when we experience stress (some more frequently than others).  The overall benefits of training martial arts for the mind and body (including self-awareness, self confidence, focus, concentration and physical conditioning) all lead to reducing that stress.  You owe it to yourself to start relieving the stress in your life with the skills taught through martial arts.  The best place to find these skills is at a fine martial arts school.  Why not give it a try?  You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.  To make it even easier, I’ll help you get started.  Just contact me and I’ll send you my free report on how to pick a martial arts school

Sincerely,

Sensei Malcolm Bale

Chief Instructor – www.ju-jitsu-rugby.com

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A 1993 survey revealed that 50% of Canadian women have experienced an incident of sexual assault or physical violence.

In Australia, 19% of women aged 18 to 24 experienced an act of violence in the last year.

Statistics show that one in very four women in America will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime.

These are SHOCKING statistics!

For more than 30 years I have been running specialised self defence courses and seminars. Over that time I have shown thousands of people how to protect and look after themselves.

Increasing personal safety ALWAYS commences with awareness.

Since most women fear attacks of a sexual nature more than anything else most of my quick tips are geared towards that.

If you are a woman, here is a list of ten simple things that you can do immediately that will increase your safety:

1 – Do not wear revealing clothing in public places. Doing so will ensure that you attract plenty of attention, including attention from those people with evil intent. Be discrete and leave provocative wear to those times when you can enjoy the intimacy of your partner.

2 – Trust your instincts. Women are very intuitive. If you think a situation might be dangerous then it probably is. That little guardian angel should be trusted rather than ignored.

3 – Rape and other sexual assault is always increasing. In the event of the worst outcome use your fingernails to gouge your attacker’s cheek. It marks him for identification and you will have DNA under your nails.

4 – Drive your motor vehicle in a courteous manner. Nobody appreciates rude hand signs. Remember – eventually you have to stop, even if it is to refuel. Psycho cases might follow you for many miles “just to teach you a lesson” – all because you made yourself a target to their twisted minds.

5 – Drinking excessive amounts of alcohol, taking mind altering drugs and leaving ANY food or drink unattended where it may be tampered with is a recipe for disaster. Give your self an even chance.

6 – NEVER pick up hitch-hikers and ABSOLUTELY NEVER hitch-hike yourself.

7 – If you live alone make sure that all your mail is addressed by just your first initial followed by your surname. Never allow mail to be addressed to you with salutations like Miss, Mrs, Ms or with your christian or given name. Those letters and parcels pass many eyes before they get to you. Change them. Make them nondescript as to your sex and marital status. Why allow anybody even one extra shred of information about you?

8 – NEVER walk alone at night or at any time in isolated areas. Predators love these locations. Avoid them.

9 – Many sexual acts are committed by people who the victims knew – or, at least, thought they knew! Be friendly and polite by all means but be vigilant for tell-tale signs of “strange” behaviour. Do NOT flirt. Be firm about any unwanted attention, particularly in the work place.

10 – Sexual attack is usually preceded by some visual sign, which is usually preceded by some verbal approach before the physical action. Recognise the sequence: the look – the talk – the attack.

There are so many predators out there. Let’s help our women to PROTECT themselves! Don’t let somebody YOU know become the next victim.

Train Hard – Train Smart – Fightwize

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Since most men may be attacked in almost any situation and for a wide-ranging variety of reasons I offer the following advice.
Here is a list of ten simple things that you can do immediately that will increase your safety:

1 – Most men get involved in physical trouble as a result of saying something rude, offensive, tactless, stupid or hurtful. Controlling what comes out of your mouth can keep it in good shape. Think before you speak.
2 – If a fight breaks out in a bar – leave immediately. Go before all the drunks and brawlers start swinging chairs, bottles, glasses and punches. A “free for all” usually starts with just two protagonists. Innocent bystanders often get hit. Those who leave all the fools to bash each other do not.
3 – NEVER attempt to mediate an argument between a man and a woman. Both will cease arguing or fighting with each other and turn on you – the common enemy. If you fear for the woman’s safety, call the police.
4 – Understand that many people these days have a cocktail of drugs and booze in their veins. It makes them argumentative, aggressive and “Mike Tyson-esque.” Avoid people who are “off the planet.” Even a casual glance at them can set them off. Leave them with their own demons.
5 – Don’t make the fatal mistake of thinking that ANYBODY fights “fair” any more. Those days are over – they have been since the John Wayne era! Expect multiple attackers, weapons, possibly both.
6 – The cemeteries are full of dead heroes. Don’t add to their number. Run if you can. There is no shame in avoiding a fight. In fact, running away is smart.
7 – Recognize objects in every room of your home that could be used as makeshift weapons. Home invasion is a growing curse these days due to the unwillingness of our governments to protect their citizens.
8 – THIS IS MORE OF A LEGAL WARNING: Understand that if you allow yourself to be placed in a “compromising” position with a woman, particularly one who is “under-age,” then the woman’s version of events will usually be believed over the man’s version. Do not allow yourself to get into such situations.
9 – Negotiation is a far higher art form than physical confrontation. Do anything reasonable to avoid a fight. NOTHING good ever comes out of conflict. War is proof of that.
10 – When all else fails, your back is to the wall and there is absolutely no other alternative left remember… “it is better to be tried by twelve than carried by six.”
Remember my opening words – “increasing personal safety ALWAYS commences with awareness.” Increase your awareness, mind your manners, know your surroundings and you will certainly improve your safety.

Train Hard – Train Smart – Fightwize

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Hi Malcolm

“My  10 year old son has been attending lessons for approximately 5
months, during this time I have noticed a vast improvement in his self
esteem and  his confidence has grown immensely.  He will now put
himself forward  to  volunteer to demonstrate moves in front of the
class, this is something that would have been unheard of before. He
previously had a slight co-ordination problem, this now is not  such
an issue, he feels brighter and happier about himself, his abilities
and his fitness. He also feels much more confident in standing up for
himself, verbally, resolving issues to his satisfaction, rather than
walking away and being very upset for periods of time.

Thanks for transforming my boy”.

It’s immensely satisfying to receive such feedback. It makes our job at Ju Jitsu Rugby so rewarding to know we are making such a postive impact on peoples lives.

The benefits of Martial Arts are phenomenal! There are very few activities available for children that can boast such a wide range of benefits ranging from Improved Fitness and Health, Improved Strength, flexibility, Co ordination and Balance. Then there’s the benefits of learning Personal Values, Increasing Safety Awareness, Learning potentially life-saving skills and Anger Control. It’s great for Personal Development for people of all ages.

Train Hard – Train Smart – Fightwize

Sensei Malcolm Bale – Instructor

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The assault can be verbal or physical, either way the first line of defense remains the same. It’s one word… Confidence!  Here’s why; Bullies choose their victims much like a criminal would choose a victim. They go for the easy and obvious target.  So if your child looks like a kid who will get bullied, guess what, they’re going to get bullied.  On the other hand if your child radiates self-confidence they are less likely to be a victim, it’s almost that simple!

Body Language is Key

Your child needs to walk with their head up; their shoulders square, and make eye contact with people.  Just doing so, even if your child needs work on their self-esteem, will keep bullies away from them. This is easier said than done, but it can be learned. So having them change their body language (what they are saying non-verbally) will have a huge impact.  Teaching this can serve as a quick fix. However, going to work on their self-confidence will have a greater long-term affect on keeping bullies away.

Embrace Your Role

Children get their first layer of self-confidence from parents.  The love you show your child and the time you spend with them gives them their feelings of self-worth.  It has been said that the number one role of parenting is to develop a self-confident individual.

Speaking Up

Teach your child how to speak up clearly when they first meet someone.  Teach them the importance of making eye-contact when they talk to you.  Get them out of their comfort zone and have them explore new things.  The more you have them confront fear and discomfort the more confident they will become.  The first few tips are meant to stop bullying before it starts. Now here’s what your child can do if the bully chooses them…

Create A Boundary When Confronted By A Bully

The next layer of defense is to create a boundary.  Children can protect themselves with an assertive body posture: Feet apart a little, one foot in front, shoulders square, chin up, eye contact, and most importantly, hands up as if making a “Stop” Gesture!  We call this our self-defense stance.  Its purpose is to communicate neutrality, awareness and, assertiveness. This stance is designed to get them out of trouble.

Using Words Properly

Finally, your child will have to use their words.  Simple phrases and commands said in an assertive voice will tell the bully that they will not be a victim.  Simple commands like; “Stop, Back Off, Back Away!” Said in the right tone will stop the bully in his tracks!

Safe Self-Defense

Of course if none of the above works (and the truth is nothing works every time) then your child will have to defend themselves. But only if and when their safety is threatened.

Defeating the Cyber-Bully – Don’t Give Cyber-Bullies Ammunition

Text messaging and social network sites open up a whole new avenue for bullies. Sit down with your child and be sure they understand not to give the bullies any ammunition. Make them aware the minute they text someone or send an email those words can be taken out of context or used against them. Absolutely under no circumstances should your child ever send inappropriate photos of themselves or allow anyone else to take photos that go against good judgment.

Cyber-bullying can be stopped with confidence and respect just like physical bullying. As you can see dealing with a bully has its challenges. There is no one way that works every time. However, when your child develops high levels of self-esteem and self-confidence a bully’s words or actions will roll off  like water off a duck’s back

Sensei Malcolm Bale

Head Instructor – Children’s Self Defence and Safety Awareness Program

www.ju-jitsu-rugby.com

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Come on! It is just part of growing up! This is what an adult might say to a child if a child complains about being teased at school. Teasing is not usually harmful when done in a friendly and mutual way, and when both kids find it funny. However, when teasing becomes hurtful, unkind, and constant — it already crosses the line into bullying.
Bullying is a deliberate act. It is a desire to hurt or threaten or frighten someone. These usually verbal harassments can come in the form of words or actions. It can be done by one person or more, and can vary in the degree of severity. It can be an on-and-off thing, but it usually involves repeated actions by a child or a group of children. It can range from hitting, shoving, name-calling, threats, and mocking to extorting money and treasured possessions. Some kids bully by shunning others and spreading rumours about them. Others use email, chat rooms, instant messages, social networking websites, and text messages to taunt others or hurt their feelings. It can be one or a number of these, however, verbal abuse is the most common form of bullying.

Being a victim of bullying can cause emotional and psychological damage. The effects of ongoing bullying can be long-term, with the harm to the health and well-being of the bullied person lasting into adult life. It damages self-esteem, increases anxiety and can cause serious depression. Bullies are more likely to continue with the aggressive behaviour and engage in delinquency and violence.
Research shows that bullying can have long-lasting effects, but particularly when it begins in adolescence. People subjected to either verbal or physical bullying are known to be at greater risk for developing depression, anxiety disorders or to behave violently. But not everyone reacts in this way. Children bullied for the first time before they hit puberty seem to get over it, but those who are victimised for the first time late on in puberty seem to become more aggressive or are more likely to turn to drink as a means of coping. People who were bullied revealed slightly higher levels of stress, but while those bullied earlier in life seemed to respond normally to provocation, people bullied for the first time late in puberty are more withdrawn and sensitive to violence.

Bullying is a significant problem in schools and is associated with a range of problems, including poor mental health and violent behaviour. Other studies have shown that bullies are more likely to engage in antisocial behaviour later in life, particularly assaults and rapes. A research also shows that victims of bullying experience headaches, stomach aches and colds more often than students not involved in bullying. Research into the source of bullying from the perspective of the bully has also begun to focus on vulnerability. Many researchers have suggested that bullies are often themselves victims of bullying and that they may be repeating a pattern of the learned abuse. Equally, it has been suggested that they may be projecting dislike or anger with themselves onto others.

If a child approaches an adult and talks about being bullied, focus on offering comfort and support. Children are often reluctant to tell adults about bullying. They feel embarrassed and ashamed that it’s happening. They worry that their parents will be disappointed. The best solution in all cases is strong social support, whether from friends, family or school. Those with no one to share their problems with usually suffered the most.

True, that bullying is part of growing up, but bullying can be as upsetting for a child and a family, however, there are a lot of people and resources that are available to help.
If you have any questions or concerns then please do not hesitate to CONTACT US. Together we can make a difference!

Sensei Malcolm Bale – Ju Jitsu Rugby

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